Fiorella Ponders A Medical Career

Fiorella has been thinking--always a dangerous enterprise--that maybe instead of becoming a scholar, she should have become a physician. And maybe it isn't too late. She could go into pathology. After all, having watched a lot of television's Dr. G, she knows how to make the Y-cut, and she already owns a pair of hedge clippers. Also, when Fio was in college, she had no problem cutting open a fetal pig, then skipping back to her dorm to eat a hearty supper. To her, dead things were just--well--dead.

Or maybe she could go for plastic surgery, which also has been all over television--recently re-edited to omit Dr. Jan Adams of the commanding presence, mellifluous voice, and bad publicity. One thing I can tell you, though: Fiorella would never do a breast augmentation! Fio is sick and tired of anorexic bleached blondes who get D-cup inserts and end up looking like sticks with a pair of melons attached to their chests. She is afraid a good wind will overbalance them and they'll land on their frontal cushions and deflate them.

No, Fio would like to do good, like separating conjoined twins, removing 180 lb. tumors, repairing broken faces, diagnosing rare illnesses, and saving the world.

Alas, Fio chose to be a scholar and a writer. But maybe she can make you laugh, and laughter also can save the world.