ROLLING IN A Day-long Clean Up of Her Solo and Not Yet Through!

 Please forgive Fiorella for her absence--she's working on her messy, messy, studio but she WILL be here tomorrow.....or the next day💕 Now she has to prepare on her weekly blood draw. Who will get her there? Chariot, our local organization for older people who don't drive anymore, or Son L, who has an active family who also need his assistance. Oh, for the days your girl could jump in her car, turn on the key, and sail out into any traffic she pleased.

That's all for today! (Be grateful if you are still driving!)

PRAY FOR ME!

I'll do my best to make sense tomorrow......

 

BEST WISHES!

 Your girl has spent most of the day going through the half written remnants of her long ago  teaching and teaching career and it's been horrifying. Yes, there are many wonderful teachers, but there are also a far number of horrible ones who will do anything to grab the highlight.... and paycheck.

If you are wondering, the pages Fio is dealing with are about three inches tall and took almost all day to sort out. WHEW!

Fiorella doesn't talk about her teaching career much because she had--and all the other teachers-- in her department were thrown out the door at the end of our fourth year. Interesting enough, the new, young, teachers who replaced us refused to stay at the end of their first year. Hmmm....

Your girl  is desperate for material so she'll go back to something she wrote a while back, which still holds true:

America, bow your head in shame

Ethnic cleansing is the name of the game--

     Clear out the Black, the Yellow, the Brown

     Run gays and their kindred out of town

     Ridicule the halt, the blind, the lame,

     And do unto those who sorrow the same 

     Jail the actors, the artists, the press

      Silence the women and make them a jest

      Reject the migrants or throw them in jail

     Allow graft and cronyism to prevail

In short, go after anyone who

Doesn't talk or think or look like you--

An automaton of self-fed hate 

Which no force on earth can ameliorate

    

 

NO TITLE

 OOPS! Fio did it again--forgot to push the "Publish" button. so you're going to get another load added on to yesterday's, which she forgot to post. It's a short story.

Accepting;

     "You're just trying to make me feel sorry for you," he said.

     "Oh." I pause. "I wasn't aware of that."  I search my conscience for my sin of commission or omission. Don't move. Don't think. Don't even blink.  Your voice--keep it calm and even. Don't let him know your heart is lurching in your chest, that your brain is spinning in shock. 

     Warning, warning, Will Robinson. Never let anyone know you're vulnerable. Daddy had always told her that they'll try to finish you off if they know you're down.

     And he was right. That was the year that she had lost not only a baby, half her eyesight, and her dissertation, but her supervisor had turned on her, and her husband had been fired from his job. 

Never relax your guard.

________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

     

CORRECTIONS ON FIOE'S UMBRELLA STORY

 Here are some of my poems old poems that you might or might not have heard before:

My first poem (1954)   mess-up                                 (With today's correction of today's mess)

         It beckoned me to follow

         Wherever it may go

         But what it was that called to me

         Was not for me to know

                      _____

         Under a green umbrella

         Just we too--

         Laughing and giggling

         Me and you--

                     _________

                                    

         You're my brother Billy,

         I'm you're sister Jay

         And we're under a green umbrella

         'Cause it's a rainy day

 

         The rain goes "splash"

         On the umbrella top

         Which protects us from

         Each tiny drop 

         But still we each

         Are a little wet

        'Cause two under an umbrella

         Is mighty hard to get

        ______________________________________________

 One day I saw a heart break

I watched it shatter and fall

Then I knew that heartbreaks hurt

Even if very small

Pieces of the broken heart

Upon the ground did lie

To be trampled on by other folk

As they are walking by 

 _____________________________

 You're my brother Billy

I'm you're my sister Jay

And we're under a green umbrella

'Cause it's a rainy day

The rain goes "splash"

On the umbrella top

Which protects us from

Each tiny drop

 

But still we each

Are a little wet

'Cause two under an umbrella

Is mighty hard to get!

 

Situations to Ponder On .................

 

                                                                      

 Your girl has been literally tearing her hair out trying to find more of her poetry to entertain you, but all she can find is some very short shorts like these:

                                                            Diet

          Once upon a time there was a slender young woman, a good woman who was married to to the         the man of her dreams. Her best friend was fat and unmarried .

            "If you lost some weight, your true nature would be revealed and you would be able to attract a husband as wonderful as mine," the slender young woman said. "I will help you."

              So, with the encouragement of her friend, the far woman dieted away one hundred pounds to become a devastating beauty. She was so devastating, in fact, that she was able to seduce her friend's husband, who left his wife for her.

              "How could you do this to me," the slender young woman complained to her former fat friend. "I have always been a good friend to you, and I was the one who helped you diet to reveal your true nature."

              "Yes," the woman replied," but unfortunately, my true nature is evil.

                                               

                                                               Paradise
Heaven was, well, heavenly. Each day was just as wonderful as the day before. The sun was always a blushing gold, the sunset a drama of orange and black. The grass was always green and smelled of eternal spring. George golfed with his spirit guide every day and always won. His wife never whined and his children were always polite, obedient, and happy.

Everything was the same, day after day. In fact, after a while, perfection got somewhat boring.

"I didn't realize heaven would be so much the same all the time," George finally said to his spirit guide.

His guide looked at him in surprise. "What made you think this is heaven?"

    

NOT MUCH TO SAY

 The best thing about Fiorella's day was when Son L took her to a place to get a revival of her driving license--not that yours truly drives any more, but a license is good for identification. The rest of the day fell apart piece by piece. The Christmas card she sent  her brother and his wife came back: apparently she had used the wrong address, and things went down from there. She had a horrid time copying her copious pill list onto a new page, she can't remember how to handle a Medtronic (heart) device, and every good will solicitation in the world is after her. 

Fio is going crazy over the three more Christmas songs that she wrote way back when. Somehow, she MUST get them into circulation!

The cold weather has abated and Fiorella was able to get outside and walk the neighborhood cul-de-sac. It's strange that she seems to be the only one who uses it on a regular basis.

That's it for today. Best wishes to all.💗

 

Up and At'm!

 Here are some more of your girl's poems:

Kamikaze

   I'm flying on wings of wax

   Right on up to the sun!

   Look out, O Icarus

   Her comes another one! 

    I'm drunk on the wine of glory--

    I'm red-nosed and wobbly and gay!

    So what if I die tomorrow?

    At least I have lived for today!

 

The waves rise high and high for me

 The winds rise higher still--

Ignoring yet my mother's plea

I stand upon my sand-dune hill

And watch the storm at sea

FRAGMENTS OF YESTERYEAR

Oh Lordy! Did Fio take her red, red pill or not? Whatever, she'll learn if she went overboard next week when she visits her doctor's office again. In the meantime, she'll continue to go her merry way and continue trying to get this weeks' load of poems, stories, etc. Sigh....if only drawings and paintings could be added on.....

Remember the Christmas song that Fiorella wrote long ago, the one she wasn't able to get out in time this year? Well, hallelujah, Fio found two more Christmas songs she wrote, and you can bet they'll be available next year, with maybe with even more songs! (PS: must find a good piano teacher!!!)

Changing the subject, your girl has a couple of buckets of old pill bottles that she doesn't know what to do with but doesn't want to throw into the trash. Make necklaces?

Did you know that Fiorella had her own newspaper a while back? It was called SUBURBAN NOTEBOOK and she not only solicited the local news, but took the pictures and did all the art. The cost of it, you ask? One dollar for one eight pages, which included not just neighborhood news, but also ads, a clever cartoon, a paper doll to cut out, and letters to the editor. Ah, those were the days....

Interestingly enough, Fiorella gathered all the news herself, even when she interviewed the over-handy traveling minister's son, who, as did his sleezy father, tried to give her the looking-deep-in-the-eyes job as well as the sitting-too-close-to-her job.  Good Lutheran girls know better!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 I wake up in the morning and cry

About all my days gone by

That never will again.....

Catching Up

 00PS! Today was supposed to be yesterday, but your girl will survive--remember, she's written down almost everything in her life so far.....

Right now, Fio is playing around with the idea of taking up piano again, partially to put her little piano to good use and partially to be able to play (and sing) the five Christmas songs Fiorella wrote way back when. Yeah, Fiorella cries a lot for all her compositions and designs that will never see the light of day. 

Sudden switch of subject: your girl has been watching Jessica  her TV faithfully. Now there's a widow who gets around! Fio has no interest in becoming a lady detective, but she would like to  make friends as easily as Angela Lansbury apparently does....

Your girl has been looking at her art room lately. She needs to get into painting again--not that there are any outside shows, but she needs to move around. She also needs should pull out her half-way written romances and see what she can do with them. 

Son L just presented Fio with a clutch of mail, which means it's tax time, dang it! (But if she had no taxes, that would mean that she has no bounty.....

 

 

 

  

MORE AND MORE

      MORE POETRY,  MOSTLY COMPOSED DURING  LATIN CLASS (Fio's favorite!)

     Kamikaze

I'm flying on wings of wax

Right up to the sun

Look out, Icarus!

Here comes another one!

 

      Glory

I stumble, I falter, I fall

Before the race is done--

My heart, my joy, my life is in

The glory of the run

 

        Jack-in the Box 

  How to suffocate the clown:

First, you push it's head way down

Deep into the shiny box

Until the mechanism locks 

  Then you tuck the box away

Where you wish for it to stay,

For jacks are troublesome at best

Embarrassing when they are guests 

  When all that I have said is done,

Hold your tongue and tell no one

Tell not a soul what you're about

For he might let the damn Jack out

  And that is how to handle the latter

  But a Fiorella in the box is a different matter!

 

VICTORY PLUS!

    GUESS WHAT! YOUR GIRL WAS GOING THROUGH SOME OF HER OLD PAPERS AND     FOUND MORE AND MORE OF HER WRITINGS! This is another Christmas poem.....

   Foul, stinking Death, I hate you--go away! 

I will not let you take me , know or ever--

I'll light my nights as bright as noontime day--

I will not die--instead, I'll live forever!

   O God, if you are there, slay death for me, 

Who lingers  in the shadow of my shoulder

Just out of view, where I can barely see--

Crafty, plotting, planning, daily boulder

   O God, it's time--to arms! Take up the fight

And range your hosts across the hell-black sky--

Advance, attack in force, meet might with might--

Deal death to Death----yes, Death himself must die!

    A cold and silent knight, a mother's sigh

    The victory of a newborn baby's cry!

(SHE ALSO FOUND MORE OF HER MUSICAL COMPOSITIONS, BUT THEY CAN"T BE TRANSFERD TO THE COMPUTER.)

Last Lullaby

    

 Get out your handkerchief because this is the sweetest and saddest poem your girl has ever written

 

     I've held death in my arms to comfort her

And stroked her cheek and combed her tangled hair

And sung to her sweet songs that once were dear--

Old melodies, a child's bed time prayer

    I've held death in my arms and learned her face

And studied how  her shallow breath grew slow

And warmed her limp, cold hands in my embrace

"It's hard, so hold," she said. "I didn't know."

     I've stood beside her peace and counted flowers

And listened to my sleepless brain shriek blood

And wept, regretting wasted lives and hours

Inimically intertwined in love

    I've held death in my arms in fear and wonder

     And kissed her, kissed her as one would a mother

HAVE AT IT!!

 Okay, your girl will admit it--her grandioso Christmas cards have fallen through. Only a few got mailed, and they went mostly to her Akron relatives because they had sent her cards with addressess on them. Yes, Fiorella's world has fallen down, down, down, and she can't seem pull to pull it together. 

She's even messed things up with her blood doctor--the major one--and she'd thought she'd followed his instructions to the letter. And she'll probably mess it up more with him when she won't be able to return to his lodgings next week. Obviously, Doc has never delt with a patient who (1) doesn't drive and (2), has no driver on call. AGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!

 So, what will Fio do today aside from jumping off a bridge, of which there is none nearby? Maybe subject some of her own poems on you, ones which you may or may not have read before, like......

 

QUIET AS THE GRAVE

Quiet as the grave that holds me fast

When death has dumbed the drumbeat of my blood,

Beneath the soundless soil, still at last,

I'll sink in silence toward toward the muffling mud...

  But until then, I'll clatter through the halls

And shout hello to friends and wail goodbye

I'll laugh aloud within the staidest walls

And shriek my anger to the somber sky....

  The dead are not notorious for for their noise

And I will lie a long time quietly,

So until then I'll use my loudest voice

To make the whimpering world resound of me

    And when at last I'm muted by the all-absorbing ground

   My unaccustomed silence then will deafen you with sound!

STILL CATCHING UP......

Well, as it has turned out, this years winter storm wasn't even half as bad as the one that nearly killed off your girl four years ago....no snow, just freezing cold and blinding sunshine. Of course, we're still in January so there might be more to come, but Central Texas is not known for snowmen and skating rinks.

 Fio is thinking about writing another novel. She's also considering going through her poetry and trying to get some of it published, but she doesn't know if there's any demand for rhymed verse any more. Whatever, she needs to go through her studio and see whatever she has.

Okay, your girl confesses that she is getting restless. One can only watch a TV screen for a certain amount of time without getting board, board, board!

See you tomorrow.....

 

 

 

 

 

CATCHING UP....

 The Sixteenth?! How time speeds along! Fiorella apologizes for her lack of communication, but she can't even babble you out a meaningful excuse, just a weak smile and a promise to TRY to keep in touch better.

What's going on with your girl? You won't believe it, but Texas has a snowstorm coming on. Yep, even though there's not a speck of said snow in the air or on the ground, the temperature is icy cold....and Fio is supposed to get herself into town tomorrow for an appointment with her blood doctor, her tremor doctor, and another doctor who cut off one of her pills that he now wants to resurrect.

Only Fiorella could get in this kind on hullaballoo!

Of course, Fio has faced off a bad storm before: about four years ago when her only comfort was Sonia dog, some covers, and dwindling firewood. Luckily, Son L had a friend who had a truck that could stand the weather, and after a couple of days, your girl's life was saved. And if this paragraph is a little wobbly, please understand that Fiorella tries not to think about her near-death experience....but she does think nasty thoughts in the direction of Texas's Governor, Greg Abbot, who nearly killed her by flipping his fingers at the idea that Texas could have a major storm!

That's all for now. Will try to have happier news tomorrow, like that (1) Fiorella has found her missing glasses, (2) everything will go well with her doctors' exams, and that Fio will somehow find a nice nearby friend.

 

Delinquent

Fiorella is playing hooky today

And that's all Fiorella has to say--

She had a longtime talk with a childhood friend,

Cleaned up her room, ate supper, the end

Until tomorrow

ANIMAL TIME

 Fio has said it before and she'll say it again: isn't it a shame that the computer world has overcome the human world? What's next?

Meantime, your girl is still going through all the pictures and papers that she's pinned and taped to her inside bedroom wall, trying to figure out...what....OMG, she's forgotten what she's looking for! (Worry not. Fio still remembers what was on  the grocery list that she made up yesterday.)

It's very comforting when the house's majestic black-and-white indoor cat slinks into your girl's bedroom, settles down next to her, and utters a magnificent purr. Fiorella is not a cat person, but this feline is definitely a  Fiorella person. Welcome to the family, sweetie! 

Your girl had several cats as a child, but they were all outside beings, and there was no way to persuade the kittens to stay around once they reached their "teenage" years. Dogs, of course, are easier to deal with in that regard because they have a built-in loyalty gene....but they can also sneak under fences or run out in front of an interesting looking car.

And then, there was  Fio's beloved Sonia, last dog....so far.

 

 

EXCUSES, EXCUSES, EXCUSES! COUGH, COUGH!

 Fiorella is a little sicky this evening....probably from not getting good sleep last night, and then not getting to grab an hour or so today!

Your girl did manage to put a little more work into her late Christmas card set-up, the one which plays around with music.

Not much more to say except people will be surprised to get Christmas cards this late, but Fio couldn't get hold of a good manger in its season.

That's about All your girl is saying tonight, GULP, SNORT, COUGH!

 

 

THE TOTAL TRUTH.....SORT OF

 The sun is blazing today, but the cold weather is doing a very good job of whistling around corners and keeping everyone inside....except for Fiorella, of course. She will, though, admit that when she went out for her daily jog on the cul-de-sac, she wished she had Mom's old mink on instead of Husband's old rain jacket. Ah, well, your girl made it in good style anyway.

The oak trees are fading now. Fio brought only two smaller leaves home from her walk today, and she'll have to take down her inside decorations soon....as well as those she's taped to her front window. If you're wondering, yes, Fiorella is the only one on the double block who decorates windows.

VICTORY! Your girl FINALLYgot in touch with the doctor who prescribed the energy medicine that Fi had run out of, and she will be visiting him next week to pick some more of it up! FINALLY! 

OH-OH! The paper mistletoes are packed away in the Christmas box so Fiorella is looking at the bare outside window again, wondering how she could decorate it. What about paper strings of hand-size snowmen, women, and children? (Maybe your girl could evens neak some on the bushes up front too!)

GOOD GRIEF! What is it that impels Fio to decorate everything in sight! 😊😕😋

SOB SISTER......

 GRRRRRR! Your girl needs an important pill and she's foiled by her bad left eye again--the same problem her Mother had had, except that Fio's problem waited until she was in her later years for it to pop up. It's a wonder your girl didn't turn to drink, but instead, she hitches a rides on Chariot--a local organization sympathetic to people in Fiorella's circumstances--and you can bet that your girl contributes to it too!

The weather today is sort of pick and choose: the sun is out but the wind is too, so Fio grabbed Husband's old jacket, went out the door, enjoyed the determined flashes of sun, and picked up more lovely oak leaves-- which she doesn't know what she'll do with, but couldn't bring herself to toss.

Has your girl mentioned that she's working on the inside wall of her bedroom every now and then, trying to get all her important (ahem) information together? Or that her rarely used cellphone sounds just like the summer ice cream trucks of yore?  (Remember them, Tom?)

Fio is over her Jessica Fletcher craze. The show wasno great the first time around, but they don't need repeating. ()n the other hand, it was great to see a female heroine.....

Your girl's current life is so different than she thought it would be, mainly because she has no husband, no transportation, no job, no friends, no dog.

💔

 

Restlessness

 Yahoo! Fiorella has finally finished off her decoration of the inside of the front window (which faces the street) and she LOVES it! The whole thing is made of fallen oak leaves attached in place by pieces of Scotch tape which your girl will be able to easily remove when the lifespan of the semi-dead leaves is over. 

Son L and wife haven't noticed your girl's creation yet, or maybe they're just biding time because the leaves will eventually turn to dust and be swept out the door...when Fio will come up with another wacky decoration...

Fio has mentioned before about how irritated she is by the local newspaper and she'll mention it again. There are too many huge colored pictures for no reason but to justify using up space and draining their advertisers. 

Yesterday's visit to her husband's grave--and your girl's eventual one beside him--is biting at her. There are so many things she wants to do or should do, but most of them involve being able to drive or hiring a driver, which coils her up like a snake. After all, Fiorella has her limits!

Sister-in-law has introduced a local driver programs to her, and your girl will be checking up on it as soon as she can, but she's also a little wary of it. Remember when Daughter drove her to the City art program and no one showed up but the paid employees?

 

PACING HER STRIDE!!!!

 Oh, my goodness--Fiorella did not realize how long a Christmas vacation she'd taken, but it was lovely, especially when her British friend Suzy, whom Fio taught with at UT years ago, got on the line! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! 

Well, what else did your girl do? She 's been rearranging her bedroom wall, to which she's tacked all sorts of decorations, pictures, instructions, and other memorabillia to, and today, Son L will drive Fio down to Husband's grave to ponder his father's fate--and Fio's. She whole fell apart, physically and emotionally, when he died, and is still trying to recover  😞

The movies Fiorella has been watching are old-timers--in fact, a whole string of them with a female detective who always fingers her man--or woman..  "Murder, She Wrote," was the title of the show, and the heroine was played by Angela Lansbury. You may remember watching it from way back when.  If not, try it, you might like it.

Hey, hey, hey! Son L took Fio with him to the cemetery to observe Husband's grave today, and she cried and cried from his death and his loss. If he were with her still, everything would be so much easier. (It also reminded her that she is no spring chicken anymore.)

That's all for today, except that she wishes you could see the cute outfit your girl has on: white socks, black shoes, black slacks, and a black shirt with white, pink, blue, and yellow tumbleweed on it. Wahoo!

 

GRIPING RIGHT, LEFT, AND SIDEWAYS......

 Yo, ho, ho....Fio is back here again, and she's gotten some nice words about her leftover Christmas cards from another antique teacher who lives down the street. Now, if your girl can just pull together those other three card types she's worked her wonders on😁

Practicing talking is also a must-do for Fiorella. It's so embarrassing when she, who was born a chatterbox twice over, can't remember a word that's just on the tip of her tongue....but stays there. Unfortunately, that's what happens when a person is alone for a long time or is deliberately hushed for some reason. Fiorella's thinks her problem started when her husband became sick and she had no one to talk to on a regular basis. (They lived on forested acreage at the time.)

Whatever, Fio keeps on going, but she wishes the "going" were a little easier and she could still drive. Anyone wanting to be your girl's chauffeur?

That's all Fiorella can think of to say right now so sleep well and have a good tomorrow!

 

 

 

 

 

 

UP TO DATE, BUT GRUMBLING.....

 WHAT IS GOING ON? ALL YOUR GIRL CAN GET OUT OF  FACEBOOK IS SCENERY AND LIVESTOCK! WHERE HAVE ALL THE PEOPLE GONE? WHAT WRONG BUTTON HAS FIO PUSHED NOW! SHOULD FIO START OPEN AGAIN? WILL SHE BE ALLOWED TO?! IS THE COMPUTER MAD AT HER?

Whatever, Fio HAS been able to put together her upcoming visit with her favorite doctor (neurology) on whom she will bestow at least one of her Christmas cards, which are actually a new run-off of itself from about thirty years ago. They're singing cards....if you can read music.

Fiorella has been getting more restless that ever, and with at least four years of near solitude under her belt, she wants to move on, to make new friends, to try new things, to pick up some new outfits, TO BE DRIVEN AROUND THE CITY AS SHE NEEDS OR WANTS TO BE!

Maybe she could pick up a nice big-dog-to-be too. After all, her stuffed panda has been nice, but not very talkative. And maybe she could even sign up for some language classes herself that she used to know. Then there's the art, which Fio was born with and what she likes to be in a group with.....and writing, which she was always good at (although her two novels really didn't fare too well, partially because your girl didn't know how to promote them.)

Dream land, dream land. Fiorella has always live in dreamland, from when she made up stories as she walked to school when she was a kid to even now, when she wants there to be more in her life than the ancient remote and overblown newspaper.

Not Much to Say

 Yours truly wants to talk, talk, talk, talk. talk, talk, talk, talk to somebody, ANYBODY! She's overdue for her blood shot and is trying to find a driver for her neurology appointment. Volunteers, anyone? On the side, she'll be mailing out what is becoming her traditional late Christmas series that she put together years ago, and she hopes you enjoy them. More later....

That's all for today except best wishes and HAPPY NEW YEAR and MAY ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE!