Fat Snippets

I've had a yen for a can of fudge frosting for the past couple of days, but bought myself a bag of Hershey kisses instead. That way, instead of effortlessly spooning down the chocolate, I have to use compensatory calories unwrapping and chewing.
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I did the math and discovered that I have to charge eighty dollars to my credit card to earn one dollar off an airplane ticket. Which is exactly like dieting--it takes eighty times more effort to lose a pound than to gain it.
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Having spent the first twelve years of my life tall and skinny, I'm always shocked by the the little dumpling who faces me in the mirror every morning--short arms and legs, belly fat, but no hips or rear end. Egad--she's shaped exactly like my mother!
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I have no problem dieting--except, of course, when food is involved.
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How did I get so big when I'm always spreading myself too thin?