Tuesday, May 31, 2022

Uvalde and the University of Texas

 Through the years

Through the years,

How have I collected

So many tears

And held them back

Until they found 

Anther name--

    It happened before

    It will happen again  

______________________________________

I am the survivor, the only one left,

The one who saw the family fall apart--

The parents trying to find themselves,

The left-over children alone in their room--

I saw it all, but now I am told

That I shouldn't think about it-- 

But how does one erase a memory 

When it is constantly renewed?

_____________________________________________

I need someone to talk to,

But who wants to talk to me?

My sorrows are old hat

My glories are yet to be

_________________________________________________

_______________________________________________

 







______________________________________________

 


 




 

 

 


Monday, May 30, 2022

The Truth

When the word went out that Paul had been killed by the tower sniper, the family, all far and near, descended on the home to comfort his parents and distract them from their sorrow. Everyone was exchanging news with everyone else, and the teenage girls were taking turns ironing each others' hair, which was all the rage back then. 

Fio was aghast--where were Paul's brothers? She and Husband cut through the crowd and  found the boys' bedroom, where they were sitting side by side, silent and still. 

Why had these two precious children, the closest in the family to their brother, been left alone? 

Husband and Fiorella stayed with them until the party was over, and, through the years, they would visit us. They were like lost souls--and the parents were so devastated by the loss of their shining light that they seemed to forget about the younger boys, who were often told to take care of their parents because of the loss they had suffered.

The boys did not fare well. The younger one had mental problems and, as far as Fio knows, is still riding around UT on a bicycle, and the older one, who died recently, used his inheritance to get a college degree and make a 'round the world tour, then married and had two sons. We thought all was going well until, at one of our family gatherings, he and his wife had a vicious fight resulting in her divorcing him.

He ended up being supported by a couple of other women and his share of the family ranch money until he died last winter. May he rest in a peace he never had while he was alive.

______

Fio's memory has gaps and mistakes, but this much she is sure of: not one, but three beautiful boys were destroyed by a person they never knew--another wounded youth who was randomly shooting people from the UT Tower.

Just like in Uvalde.

 




Saturday, May 28, 2022

THIS IS THE HARDEST BLOG I'VE EVER WRITTEN

Many years ago, when Fiorella was in college at The University of Texas, a lone gunman climbed to the top of the UT tower and killed everyone he could set his sights on--like your girl's oldest nephew, who was just a few years younger than she, who had recently graduated from high school and, for fun, was strolling along the UT "drag" with his girlfriend.

At the same time, Husband was driving your girl to one of her classes-but, strangely, couldn't get on campus. In fact, every entrance to the college seemed to be boarded up. Wondering what was going on,  Fio listened as Husband's father, Austin's premier newsman and his crony, read off the names of the victims. Suddenly, my Father-in-law's voice rang out loud and clear-- "WAIT A MINUTE--THAT'S MY GRANDSON!"

Which was the last thing he ever said on air.

The family gathered together for a while, then pulled apart, all in their own ways. The two younger boys never recovered.

 

AND THAT'S WHY FIORELLA IS REACTING SO STRONGLY TO THE UVALDE MASSACRE


 

 

Friday, May 27, 2022

Personal

 Fiorella bad a bad day--children being slaughtered in their classroom--or anyone anywhere--upsets her--especially if she has no way to rectify the situation. One thing stood out though: Beto O'Rourke, who's running for governor, really said something when he suddenly leapt up on the stage and confronted the row of politicians who didn't seem at all interested in gun control.

Your girl has had a hard time dealing with the Uvalde massacre. Those children, those teachers, are REAL to her, just as her nephew, only three years younger than she, was real to her back when he was killed by the UT tower sniper. Husband was driving Fio toward the campus for a class when we got the news over the radio. "Paul's been hit, Paul's been hit," Fiorella  shrieked." But Paul had been more than hit--he'd been killed.

The whole family went into decline. Her husband, just a only about four years older than his nephew, was especially hard hit. The whole family went into decline--with the parents going into so much sorrow that the two younger boys were neglected--the boys knew that the whisper going around was that it was too bad it wasn't one of them, that their older brother had held such promise.

The grandparents, parents, and Fio's husband are long dead now, and your girl is the only one left to tell you what losing a child to a mass gunman did to that family.

The grandparents tried to drown their sorrows by taking an around-the-world tour, and the mother and her husband experimented with questionable entertainment. After they graduated high school, the two remaining boys, obviously broken, moved into an apartment together and frequently visited Husband and Fio.

As time went on, the younger boy developed a mental condition while the older finished a college degree (overlooked by a friend of Fio's who taught there). Later, He and his wife had a dramatic break-up up at Husband's and Fio's home, and she married again, but their boys stayed in Texas with their father who, when his own parents died, made his own world tour, then would have sunk into poverty if it weren't for his share of the remaining family fortune--which Fio distributed--twice a year.

 Don't know what happened to the third son, but Fiorella's daughter, who was attending UT by then, would see him riding his bicycle across campus from time to time.

The remaining son, the one with offspring, died this year and now Fiorella is portioning out his inheritance to his sons, both of whom have established themselves well. It's the right thing to do, and your girl is the only one left to do it. She's also the only one left who knows first hand the impact of that long-ago sniper on the whole family.

May God bless you, Uvalde. You have a long row to hoe.

Thursday, May 26, 2022

NOT ANOTHER MASSACRE.....

 Fiorella cannot write today because the Uvalde massacre is too close to her own experience. She's spent hours trying to form a message explaining the everlasting pain, the responsibilities of a fringe survivor, and how one's world is permanently altered--to no avail. What happens happens, and one can only live with it. 


Wednesday, May 25, 2022

SORROW

 Children, yes, are sacred--

Each and every one

No matter who their parents

Or where they're coming from

No matter what their color

No matter where their birth

They're the closest thing to angels

That we will have on earth


I cannot write a poem 

To comfort those in sorrow

Because the tears are running down my cheeks--

Yes, I too, am a mother

 

This whole scene has hit Fiorella especially hard because she had a nephew who got killed in the University of Texas tower shooting many years ago.....and she has never forgotten.

 

 

 

 

 

My nephew was killed by the UT tower shooter several years ago, and it disrupted the whole family for years to come and still does. All I can ask is WHY IS THIS STILL HAPPENING? Why is it so easy for anyone--ANYONE--to get a gun?

 





Tuesday, May 24, 2022

Sort of Mess of an Entry Today....

 Hip, hurray!Your girl spent about three hours searching out a really good comedy she'd seen on TV and actually found it! SOAP is the name and it's got a star-spangled cast, lots of laughs, and a happy ending, all of which gave her some ideas 😁

 Apparently, Fio messed up what pills she's supposed to take so she'll have to go back to the doctor's office next week and get everything straightened out. In the meantime, there isn't much to do but practice piano, which burns your girl's carpal tunnel fingers, or start on a new romance story that she's been dilly-dallying around with in her head. Guess which one she chose?

But Fiorella, you say, what do you know about murder mysteries aside from Nancy Drew, Miss Marple,  Miss Fisher, those old-time Angela Lansbury shows? To which your girl replies that murder has no regulations, just an evil within.

On the other hand, Fio could up the humor level on her stories or even increase the sexual content...hmm

Whatever, she'll also be sure to get herself straightened out with her pills and piano practice sooner rather than later.