Pat or Scan

About this airport pat down thing--it's unworkable. Male checking out male and female checking out female is not enough. There are also gays, lesbians, bi-sexuals, transvestites, transsexuals, hermaphrodites, and Lord only knows what else out there. In order to receive a hands-on from an appropriate patter,travelers will have to declare their sexual orientation, and so will the patters. Think about it.

The full-body scan won't work either. Theoretically, it's anonymous, but we all know a copy of the scan would be whipping around the airport faster than mach 10 if there were a celebrity or a particularly interesting physiology involved.

What we need is a more sophisticated profiling protocol.