Another Five Things

As the New Year approaches and the memory of my mother berates me with everything that I haven't accomplished in my life, I console myself with lists of what I have done:

1) I earned a Ph.D. in a prestigious field.
2) I was a city-wide PTA president for two years.
3) I taught on the college level for twenty-some years.
4) I made a run for the city school board.
5) I wrote a year's worth of an influential newsletter for a teachers' union.

And I write a blog.

Bella and Fella

Okay, Fiorella has read all but the last seventy pages of Twilight, which she will dutifully slog through before she posts this review, but so far she is not impressed.

The author handled the high school scene well, I thought. And I liked the way she got into the protagonist's mind. For me, the story started foundering when it centered almost entirely on the two lovers.

First of all, the story is too drawn out. One can only be on tenterhooks so long without getting bored. Second, the vampires are unbelievable. They're too perfect, too talented, too--well--nice. Third, the situation doesn't make sense--everyone knows everything in a small town, and the vampire family's differences would have been noticed and commented on and soon rallied up a mob with flaming torches. And how does one stay under cover when one's skin glistens like diamonds every time one goes into the sunlight? Even when the sky looks cloudy in the morning, it can unexpectedly brighten in the afternoon.

As an educator, I have a real bone to pick about Bella and Edward missing so much class time with no consequences. Doesn't Oregon (or Washington, or wherever it is) have any attendance requirements? And what about those low, LOW-cut gowns the vampiresses wore to the prom? Doesn't the school have a dress code?

As a reader, I am disappointed that the story did not set up a situation which prompted my ever-fertile brain to come up with its own variations and scenarios. As a writer, I wanted to blue pencil scenes like Edward racing through the forest at top speed with Bella on his back and him lurking in Bella's bedroom overnight just to watch her sleep.

But then, I don't enjoy vampire books (like Laurell Hamilton's series) which involve alternate universes, and I do see a vampire sub-culture being set up in Twilight. The problem is that if one establishes an omnipotent character--Superman, vampire or whatever--one has to set up an equally strong opposing character so the story carries some tension. (Thus Superman's opponents became ever weirder as time went on.) I prefer using the human element, like, well, the vampire book I wrote which has--ahem--not yet found a publisher.

Obviously I'm in the minority. Daughter, from whom I borrowed the book, and half the young women in America adore Twilight and are eagerly gobbling up the whole series. I much prefer The Historian.

To My Children

When I am old, so very old I stink
Of unwashed underarms and brain cell death,
So old I shake, my spine and stature shrink,
I whistle, quake and rattle with each breath--
When I am old, so very old I drool,
And age spots big as elephants appear,
When I forget my name and act the fool
And talk too loud because I cannot hear--
Even when I'm angry, trapped in rage,
Become a miser, call each dime misspent,
When I am cruel and stupid with my age,
When I reject you, scotch your good intent--
Remember once I loved you of my will,
And in my heart of hearts, I love you still.

Christmas Snippets

Somehow Fiorella thought that, with the monstrous new TV that she and Husband gave each other for Christmas, the shows would be better, but all they are is bigger. And she still can't find anything she wants to watch.
*
Christmas dinner was a feast. For seven people, Fio ended up with three meats, five side dishes, four desserts, and massive indigestion caused by massive over-ingestion.
*
Later in the afternoon, Fio had to do a little clever slight of hand when stripping the dining table in order to hide from her guests the fact that under her white linen table cloth was a plastic sheet decorated with Strawberry Shortcake.
*
Three days later, Fio is finally starting to come to. Her brain is recovering from mush state and her body is demanding she stop lying around on the couch all day. But, oh, she needed that respite!

Do Not Feed This Woman

Fio's Christmastide this year
Was full of laughter and good cheer
And also of good things to eat--
Every kind of chocolate sweet--
Which means our Fio will dieting be
From now until Epiphany
So she again her toes can see.

Think Mink, Ma'am

There's something about slipping into the mink jacket that does it. Fio, who you know, is something of a dorky cut-up, instantly becomes Gracious Lady. Her voice becomes softer, her smile more beneficent, her gait more graceful. She strives to deserve the mink, to act worthy of it.

Fio's like that. She always dresses in costumes, then acts them out. Or, to put it another way, she tries to suit what she wears to whatever role she will be playing. Maybe it has something to do with the three years, ages eight through ten, she spent in Baylor Children's Theater. Or maybe she's just a natural-born ham.

And she wonders why people say she is dramatic.

Rejoice!

Rejoice, rejoice, for Christ is born today
In Bethlehem, by ancient prophecy--
The son of heaven, sleeping in the hay.

Let angels sing and tuned musicians play
A clamoring of happy harmony--
Rejoice, rejoice for Christ is born today.

Let shepherds leave their wandering sheep to pray
Before his rustic throne, on bended knee--
The son of heaven, sleeping in the hay.

Let wise men from the East be shown the way,
And with their aged eyes, their savior see--
A Rejoice, rejoice, for Christ is born today.

Let all mankind observe a holiday
To celebrate his sweet nativity--
The son of Heaven, sleeping in the hay.

Let planets, suns, and twinkling stars display
Their promises of immortality,
Rejoice, rejoice, for Christ is born today
The Son of Heaven, sleeping in the hay.